i think Claire is trying to communicate to us in a way Skye never did. Claire uses morse code. pat-pat-pat, pat-pat. pat-pat on the bed. pat-pat on the floor. pat-pat-pat on my shoulders. pat-pat-pat-pat on my head. and since we don't know morse code, we haven't a clue what she's trying to tell us. and our little girl loves to sing - high pitched squeals of delight. with every new object, she scratches it, bangs it and rubs it against the floor, testing out the sounds it makes. as with Skye, it is fun to watch Claire explore the world in her own way.
my friend who has 3 children (the youngest is Skye's age) and i were talking about nature vs nurture and she said, "it's all nature - after having 3 very different children, i realize i contribute absolutely nothing. they come out all prepackaged." so, what do we contribute as parents? that's a question i'm sure i'll have to revisit at every stage in our children's development.
i'm glad Claire is very different from Skye - i wouldn't want it any other way. but that also means being flexible and creative as parents if i want to validate both girls for who they are. that'll be interesting as they get older.
i'm also trying to come to grips with my own identity. it's easy to lose myself in raising children. i was reading an article the other day a woman had written about her relationship with her mother. she talked about how her mother had all these aspirations as a younger woman, aspirations that never got fulfilled. so her mother would toss one aside and begin some new goal, over and over again. i'm afraid i will become such a mother. i'm afraid i will never finish my novel and my daughters will see me as that mother who had this aspiration to be a writer but never materialized it. i'm grateful i have the luxury to think about pursuing other goals besides raising children. i know lots of women don't have the choice of pursuing anything else for economic, societal reasons. but i'm often thinking these days about what kind of mother i'm to be. am i one of those women who raise a brood of kids, one of those women resembling goddess of fertility? or do i take the time now to focus on other interests such as my writing?
1 comment:
I wrestle with that too, Soyoung. It helps me to think of myself as "sequencing." These are a few years where I'm focusing on childrearing but as they need me less, I can do more in the outside world. Now the trick is not to lose my ambition, passion, or confidence in the meantime! Have you seen the blog at www.mojomom.com? You might find it interesting. I bet you will write your novel!!
As for nature and nurture, I think some things are definitely mostly nature (IQ, and temperament). Other things, they have found though, are more influenced by nurture (social-emotional intelligence, etc.) That is mostly nurture--based on the quality of our earliest relationships.
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