Similarities/differences

one of my friends recently asked me if i see similarities and differences between Claire and Skye now that Claire is getting older. it got me thinking. the biggest difference so far is Claire will sit and play for a while by herself as long as she has enough things around her to keep her interest. Skye never did that. i always had to sit and play with her and only recently did she develop the ability to play by herself. there are also some really endearing things that Claire does that are uniquely her. like if she's tired or needs to be held, she'll sort of throw herself at me. her face breaks out into this huge smile whenever she is in the standing position. when she is laying down and she's very excited, she moves her arms and legs so fast. she never tries to roll over. i remember Skye at this age rolling all over the bed and often falling off our bed in the middle of the night... Claire barely moves in her sleep! and of course, there's Claire's morse code which i mentioned previously.

there are definite similarities though. both girls developed stranger anxiety really early on. neither of them are good nappers, even though everyone told me the second one sleeps better! and both are pretty good eaters.

i've been on the hunt for rusks and have failed to find them. Claire enjoys snatching food off our plates and i've found she enjoys salivating all over hard crusts of bread. trouble is, can't find rusks here. did find something similar, but had hydrogenated oils and trans fats, i couldn't get them. so i'm trying to make rusks at home by putting slices of homemade bread in a very low oven to dry them out and harden them. we'll see how they work!

Claire has a serious cold - her first! i think it's a result of too much pool time. i was up most of last night nursing her. she was waking up every hour because of her stuffed up nose. i hope tonight will be better.

it could have been worse - Skye had a fever yesterday and i was bracing myself for a sleepless night. but fortunately, Skye slept well and woke up without a trace of fever and with an appetite.

when Claire gets sick, i feel awful because i feel like i've pushed her beyond her limit. when Skye was a baby, our lives pretty much followed her rhythm. Claire has to follow Skye's rhythm to some extent. i've gotten better at limiting our outings so that Claire gets at least one good nap at home in the day, but every day, i'm making decisions like, how much longer will she last? can she stay awake just a little bit longer? it's never easy. if we're home, like today in the hopes that Claire gets some time to recuperate, Skye has to bottle up her boundless energy. by the end of the day, Skye is shrieking and throwing things all over the house and running around. can Claire nap through all that? not really.

well, i hear Claire waking up again because of her stuffy nose.

Swimming

i finally managed to get some photos of the girls at the pool! there's Skye in her swim class with one of the lifeguards and then the two girls taking a break from splashing around. and today was one sticky, icky day, so it was great to cool off in the water.

Cherry ripe

Cherry ripe, cherry ripe, Ripe I cry, Full and fair ones, Come and try!




Ow!
from slkim

so we have two cherry trees and one of them had a decent crop. nothing compared to what it should produce, but enough i thought to make a pie or some compote. we had some time this past weekend, so i decided we should pick all the cherries before they start to rot. [check out the new movie of the picking.] our neighbour, whose cherry trees have abundant crops, offered to loan me her cherry pitter. what's that? i discover it's one of those things like melon ballers - they don't come in handy every day, but once you've used it, it's indispensable.


we ended up having a bowl full of cherries and rather than making pie, i ended up making compote. pie would have consumed too much time and effort! we tried some of the compote tonight with chocolate cake and ice cream. yum!!






Cherry picking
from slkim

Languages

so here are some thoughts about language. would love to hear from those of you out there who are bilingual, trilingual, multilingual. Phil and i always end up having this discussion about language. Phil wants me to teach our kids Korean because he believes it will be useful for them in the future to know more than English. i agree, but i have a hard time speaking just Korean all day long. i break out in whichever language that fits the occasion and more often than not, English is the dominant language. Phil thinks i speak absolutely zero Korean to my girls, but that just isn't true. i have thought long and hard about languages and what they mean in my life, hoping i can remove them in my endeavor to teach Skye and Claire Korean, but i'm afraid it's not going too well.

perhaps i'm just complicating things too much, but there is so much memory and emotion attached to language. Phil, the ever practical mind, wants me to detach all of that and just simply speak the language. but how can you speak the language unless you embody the culture, the spirit behind the words? we can get all philosophical here and talk about the instances in history where nations subjected other nations by forcing them to speak a certain language. i hate some aspects of the Korean culture, especially concerning women - can i teach my girls to speak Korean and not pass on that aspect of the culture? i'm not sure.

and what's so crazy is that more often, i've been met with disdain when i've spoken Korean to Koreans. but when Phil speaks Korean to Koreans, he's praised for knowing so much Korean. guess which of us is the better speaker? nope, no bitterness here.

as you can see, i'm carrying a lot of emotional baggage when it comes to language... however, i did find it endearing the other day when we were at the Korean store, Skye was trying to speak Korean to me instead of English.

Locking up

my mind is a sieve. we returned from our time at the pool today and i saw our front door wide open. at first, i thought, oh, is Phil home early today? and then it hit me - oh my gosh, i forgot to lock our door! read further and you'll find out why i'm such a stickler about locking doors, but anyways, i am and so it was a bit of a shock to see the house WIDE open. not only did i leave the front door which is the enclosed porch door open, but the second door open too. there was just the screen door between our house and whoever wanted to enter. fortunately, no one came in. or if they did, they didn't take anything. the first thing i checked to make sure was my laptop - that really is the only valuable thing we have in the house and it was sitting where i'd left it. phew! it's nice to know we live in such a safe neighbourhood. the only danger i've encountered since we moved here is a schizophrenic old lady who lives several houses down from us. she has a tendency to want to run people over in the street with her car. i'm glad we don't live right next to her because then we'd have to deal with getting poop smeared on our house in the middle of the night or get run over in our own driveway. i sometimes wonder if this kind of neighbour is better than the kind of neighbours we had in Durham? you be the judge.

in Durham, we lived in a neighbourhood where i learned that if i hear something that sounds like fireworks, i shouldn't look out the window to see the sky - i need to get on the floor. shootings and police cars were all too common. we've had people break into our garage and crazy people try to come into our house because i'd left the front door unlocked. fortunately, we had really good neighbours who looked out for us. the time a crazy man walked into our house, i was home alone with Skye. our neighbour, Mac, was sitting on his porch across the street and came running over to yank the man out of our house. ever since, i've been really good about locking doors. i must have been really distracted this morning to forget to do such an important thing!

the evenings these days are beautiful. the fireflies come out and they are fun to watch. tonight, before putting Skye down for the night, i took her to the back of the house to show her the fireflies. she refused to look at them. i'm not quite sure what she is afraid of about them and she can't tell me yet. it has something to do with the colour - she wishes fireflies were blue or pink. the child's mind is a complicated thing. i'm trying to understand because i never had some of the fears Skye has. i hear it might also be a first child syndrome. i'm a second child, so i don't think i had as many fears as Phil who was a first child. he and Skye seem to have similar fears. i'm trying to help Skye overcome them, but not sure how. i'm trying not to belittle her fears and help her talk about them, but who knows? sometimes, i guess she'll just outgrow them as she gets older.

Changing perspectives

another thought about the whole watching DVD in the car on a roadtrip - several years ago, i would have said, are you crazy? our kids will never watch movies in the car! hah! it's amazing how diverting movies can be!!

other mums would definitely agree with me on how perspectives change after having kids. my friends and i often talk about "oh yes, that's one of those things i said my kids would never do before i actually had kids." for instance, dragging a screaming child out of a toy store, park, restaurant, etc, etc. before i had any children, i used to think, what is wrong with that child and why can't that parent control that child? i think every parent, no matter how loving a parent, has had that moment when everything falls apart and you have no option but to drag the child out, kicking and screaming.

i also used to think my child will eat whatever she is given and there will be no special meals cooked for her. i used to think it was absolutely sinful when parents cooked hotdogs for their kids because they wouldn't eat what everyone else was eating. fortunately for us, Skye is a good eater and still does eat what everyone else eats, but i am also meeting lots of kids who absolutely won't eat anything except one or two things. if i had such a child, i'm sure i would do whatever i can to get some food into her belly.

Skye had her first swim lesson today and she actually enjoyed it! i was really glad because she's usually opposed to starting any new class - she usually says something like, "i'll take the class when i'm 5 years old." but spending so much time at the pool these days and watching so many kids her age swimming, she felt inspired and didn't oppose when i signed her up for class. Skye also started summer school today and it's amazing how much happier she is! and i'm happier because i get a break!

and Claire was able to take a long nap while Skye was away. poor kid, i wonder how much sleep i'm depriving her of when Skye is home.

yesterday, we took the girls on a road trip - first for Claire. we went down to illinois to visit with Phil's brother, his wife and Phil's parents. it was a combined celebration for father's day, Phil's birthday, Mike's birthday, and Phil's dad's birthday. yes, they were all born in june, like couple of days apart. i have to say, Claire did much better than Skye did at Claire's age. she slept a little, played a little and cried a little. i remember when we drove from Durham to Charlotte with Skye - she cried for most of the time. this time, Skye spent the drive watching "Charlotte's Web" and "Mary Poppins" on my laptop. but it's always rather stressful and not one of my favourite things to do with kids. they always look imprisoned in their car seats. well, at least we did it.

Sisterly love

Claire is getting big enough now to really notice Skye and actually respond to her. lately, the two of them will giggle with each other and play. it's a real pleasure to watch and gives me hope for the future. i imagine them spending alot of their time together and growing close. i'm sure they'll have their share of fights, but Skye truly is a dear, loving older sister and tries her best to take care of Claire. i try not to make Skye do things for Claire because i don't want her to grow up with the responsibility of being the older sister being a burden, but she does love to do things for Claire, like feed her and get toys for her to play with. today, she said to me, "i'm a good older sister."

yes, she really is.

Claire can now stand by herself for several minutes while holding onto the couch or something stable. it's her favourite position and she laughs with glee whenever she stands. i don't think Skye stood like this until she was closer to a year. it's sort of funny seeing such a little person standing and i'm sure Claire will be running around and getting into all kinds of trouble soon. Skye will really need lots of patience especially when Claire starts to get into all her things!

School

Madison has all day kindergarten. it was a bit of a surprise to me when i found that out. Skye, who only goes to preschool 3 afternoons for just 2 and a half hours will suddenly have to get used to going to school at 7:30 in the morning (that's when she wakes up!) and staying there all day until 3. it seems like a huge shift. other parents and i have often talked about the big change and most mums seem to think holding kids back a year is good. but then there's all this talk of kindergarten for 4 year olds. here a local article about that. kids are being expected to know so much more at an earlier age. what happened to being kids and playing around outside and getting dirty? is that something of the past now?

Morse code

i think Claire is trying to communicate to us in a way Skye never did. Claire uses morse code. pat-pat-pat, pat-pat. pat-pat on the bed. pat-pat on the floor. pat-pat-pat on my shoulders. pat-pat-pat-pat on my head. and since we don't know morse code, we haven't a clue what she's trying to tell us. and our little girl loves to sing - high pitched squeals of delight. with every new object, she scratches it, bangs it and rubs it against the floor, testing out the sounds it makes. as with Skye, it is fun to watch Claire explore the world in her own way.

my friend who has 3 children (the youngest is Skye's age) and i were talking about nature vs nurture and she said, "it's all nature - after having 3 very different children, i realize i contribute absolutely nothing. they come out all prepackaged." so, what do we contribute as parents? that's a question i'm sure i'll have to revisit at every stage in our children's development.

i'm glad Claire is very different from Skye - i wouldn't want it any other way. but that also means being flexible and creative as parents if i want to validate both girls for who they are. that'll be interesting as they get older.

i'm also trying to come to grips with my own identity. it's easy to lose myself in raising children. i was reading an article the other day a woman had written about her relationship with her mother. she talked about how her mother had all these aspirations as a younger woman, aspirations that never got fulfilled. so her mother would toss one aside and begin some new goal, over and over again. i'm afraid i will become such a mother. i'm afraid i will never finish my novel and my daughters will see me as that mother who had this aspiration to be a writer but never materialized it. i'm grateful i have the luxury to think about pursuing other goals besides raising children. i know lots of women don't have the choice of pursuing anything else for economic, societal reasons. but i'm often thinking these days about what kind of mother i'm to be. am i one of those women who raise a brood of kids, one of those women resembling goddess of fertility? or do i take the time now to focus on other interests such as my writing?

Drain hole

i was wondering the other day why i feel so brain dead at the end of the day. i mean, really, what does my brain do all day that it's fried by the time all the kids have gone to bed? i don't solve incredibly difficult math problems nor do i crank out even a page of a novel, so why is my brain so tired? i had more energy at the end of a long work day than i do now. i know, i know, enough complaining, right?

but i discovered the source of my problem, or should i say the drain hole through which all my brain power is pouring out. Skye's incessant questions. i realized i spend most of the day trying to come up with creative answers to her never ending questions. for example, after reading Beatrix Potter's "Tale of Mrs. Tittlemouse" Skye asks, does a mouse eat cherries? (Mrs. Tittlemouse eats cherry stones) but a mouse eats cherry stones? do squirrels eat cherry stones? can i eat cherry stones? how can a mouse eat cherry stones? etc, etc. most days, i want to just scream, I DON'T KNOW! but then, what kind of a mother would i be? today, Skye wanted to know why not everyone wanted to be a doctor, so i tried patiently to explain what a strange world this would be if everyone was a doctor. yes, Skye plans to be a doctor when she grows up.

we met up with a friend of ours for a play date the other day. i mentioned to my friend that her third child who is almost 3 months old is beginning to look rather alert and she said, "yes, and i desperately wish he wasn't - he's yet another being that requires my attention!!"

Claire is most definitely past that stage. she screamed in the changing room at the pool today, so tired and in need of a nap. the life guard looked at us leaving and said, "not doing so great today," so i'm sure everyone at the pool heard. i think i would have felt a little embarrassed if Skye had done that as a baby, but not anymore!

Phil reminded me today that even though i get frustrated with my girls and even though they drain all my brain power, at the end of the day, i'm still thinking about them and writing about them in my blog.

Phil was away on a conference for part of this last week, so yet again, it was just the girls. except this time, i wasn't feeling too well. the pool opened up last week, so we were busy this week going to the pool, but doing that every day takes its toll and i came down with a cold. the other day, i was so tired i wasn't saying much at dinner, just trying to make it to bedtime, and Skye thoughtfully said to me, "when i get older, i'll watch Claire so you can get a break."

i used to love sleep before kids. if i had been allowed, i could take naps every day. but these days, even if Phil gives me a break from the kids and i lay down to sleep, i'm woken up very suddenly by some noise which i think is Skye or Claire crying. i come downstairs and no one is home. it's freaky sometimes - you're in some deep sleep and you're shocked awake and you feel your heart drop and your body goes into emergency mode. and then it's impossible to return to sleep since it's middle of the day. i once heard someone say that once you're a parent, you can never sleep soundly, even after the kids have all grown up. i dream about when i'm older and the kids have gone off to college and i can finally sleep undisturbed. will i keep waking from imaginary sounds?

it's difficult not to be obsessed with sleep these days. Claire has been taking short 30 minute naps every two hours. after every nap, i have a 2 hour window in which to leave the house and get some things done. going to the pool is a challenge, so i try to time it so she sleeps in the stroller on the way to the pool. the other day, Claire took a blissful 2 hour nap in the morning, never to be repeated again! a wonderful reward which i so wished was the norm.