Magnolia blooms

the picture doesn't do it justice, but our magnolia tree is blooming and the spring breeze sends their sweet smell into our house these days. with the warm days, we are spending more and more time outside and both girls go to sleep tuckered out. Claire is finally able to enjoy some time at the park - i can actually put her in a swing now and she loves to be pushed in it! and Skye is running around barefooted and getting lots of sun.

this weekend, we will celebrate Skye's 4th birthday. we will be busy getting ready for her party. with 10 kids to help us celebrate, we've decided to have the party at a park. i couldn't imagine anything worse than 10 kids all cooped up in a house! which will happen if it rains, but i'm hoping i won't be tortured that way.

with the warm weather, i'm also beginning to feel the need to exercise. it's been really hard to find the time to do any of that. pool season is approaching rapidly and i'm looking down at my flabby belly, knowing nobody else cares, but i certainly care. there's nothing like putting on a swim suit after having a baby. your hips feel enormous, your belly jiggles, and your boobs look like they're about to hang out. i know, most of you think i'm pretty petite and should have no problems, but my body's still readjusting back to its former shape.

hope you're all enjoying spring. we certainly are taking advantage of the sunshine!

Changes and visiting the past

we've reached an important milestone in Claire's life - she can sit up by herself now without any support! she still keels over after a while, but at least it's a start. she's alot of fun - smiles alot and makes all kinds of fun sweet sounds.

Skye's 4th birthday is fast approaching. can't believe she's getting so big. i sometimes look at her and wonder where the baby has gone. this year hasn't been the easiest between us - preschool, becoming an older sister - they've been big steps for Skye. our relationship has had to change in many ways. Skye has struggled to keep out those changes and yet wants so much to be independent at the same time. i sometimes grieve over the fact that i can't be all that i was to her before Claire, but at the same time, i know that it is all part of letting go and growing up. Skye and i are slowly adjusting to a new phase in our relationship. i think we're still discovering ways to connect without Skye being the baby.

Phil's graduation is coming up also. we're going back to North Carolina for his graduation. it'll be a special time - for Phil to have closure on his schooling, for us to revisit familiar places and see friends we haven't seen in a year. we're looking forward to it.

Love Pie

before Claire was born, i wondered how i could love another person as much as i love Skye. now that Claire has been with us for almost 6 months, i'm beginning to understand how this really works. a friend of mine grew up in a rather large family and she asked her mother how she did it, how she loved every single one of her children. her mother told her that adding another child to the family doesn't mean cutting up the pie in half. with a new child, you get a whole new pie to give to the new baby.

Single parenting

there's nothing like a few days without your spouse to be glad for him and to wonder how on earth single parents do it. i have to say, the past couple of days without Phil hasn't been as bad as i expected. but of course, there were several moments when i felt like everything was falling apart. like last night, when i was getting the girls ready for bed. Claire was on the changing table exercising her vocal cords and Skye was running around, throwing her clothes everywhere. i was getting the bathtub ready and picking up a little of the day's chaos. i go in to undress Claire and there's poop everywhere! i'm frantically trying to wash an extremely energetic and squirmy and poopy Claire while Skye is sitting calmly in the tub, squeezing out globs of shampoo in her hands and asking, "Mama, is this enough? is this enough?"

but honestly, that really isn't too bad. and we've been getting decent sleep after i surrendered on the sleep issue. sadly, Skye is back in bed with me. along with Claire and probably along with Phil when he returns. kids are much better at handling sleep deprivation than adults. i couldn't take it anymore and now that we're all in the same bed again, everyone is sleeping better.

Virginia shooting

it is a shock to hear that the shooter of the Virginia Tech shootings is a Korean man. what troubles me the most is what may happen to other Asian students on the campus as a result of this shooting. i would certainly hate to be there right now. the Korean government even has issued an apology in the hopes of preventing racial backlash. our Korean friends in Utah said their parents called them telling them to stay home and not go out - at first, it sounds really funny and ridiculous, but like i said, i'd hate to be in Virginia right now. and then this whole thing about the shooter's violent and dark writings - these always become evidences of a violent mind after the fact, but when these writings were discussed in classes, i'm sure no one thought the guy could be a killer.

it's very very sad. and now that i am a mother, i find myself being paranoid about where my children are because who knows what can happen?

Spring

the past few days have been so wonderful, we are beginning to wonder if all that cold was just a figment of our imagination. Skye's been running around in sandals, Claire's been actually quite happy outside, and i've enjoyed taking walks with the girls and feeling alive again.

while the days have been great, the nights beg for improvement. i've been waking up obviously to nurse Claire at night, but Skye's also been calling for some night attention. she refuses Phil to comfort her, so i've been doing double duty. i often wonder if this will ever end...

on top of that, Phil goes away on wednesday for a conference. i'll be home alone with the girls until saturday night. i'm imagining a week full of disasters, but who knows? i may be pleasantly surprised...

Making baby cry

there aren't too many things in life to make you feel worse than when you make a baby cry. i was at the local korean market yesterday with Claire. she had just taken a good nap and was quite mellow and happy. i bought all my supplies and was at the counter. the owner was scanning everything and Claire was staring at the lady. i thought Claire was fascinated by the whole checking out process, when all of a sudden, Claire lets out this loud shriek and starts to cry like something is really hurting her. nothing can console her. the lady finishes checking me out and i'm feeling horrible because i know she must know my baby is crying because of her. we dash out of there and Claire stops crying.

it has always fascinated me how babies respond to strangers. some people get smiles and giggles; others get shrieks; and there seems to be no logic to their responses.

Winter returns

it is snowing again. we're supposed to get a foot of snow. snowing all day and all night...it is incredibly beautiful outside. it's that thick wet snow, so it's covering everything, even the tree trunks. i'm told this is the last of winter - well, it's certainly leaving with one last beautiful snowfall.

watched "Stranger Than Fiction" last night. i watched it at a good time because i'm writing again. i'd gone through several months now of feeling too tired and overwhelmed to write. but the great thing is that i still think about my writing and now have some new ideas. working on a novel that's set in Kenya. it's been in the works for quite some time - it's just slow going. another writer really encouraged me to finish the manuscript, so i'm working on that.

just finished reading Dean Bakopoulos' novel "Please Don't Come Back From the Moon." he's a young local writer who is quite big in this town.

Grabbing food

Claire got extremely frustrated at lunch today - she really wanted to grab food off my plate but couldn't get her hands to move. finally, she managed to get her fingers dipped in some gravy and mashed potatoes, but alas, the food didn't make it in her mouth. she watches us intently when we eat and even grabs our mugs when we drink, completely fascinated by the whole putting-things-in-the-mouth business. but for now, all she gets to put in her mouth is her Wilbur beanie baby, which she does love to do, trying to stuff his whole head in her mouth.

i'm just waiting for the day when Claire will be able to sit up by herself. i have a feeling she will be a much happier baby. even now, she hates to be on her back. her favourite position is standing up, but obviously she can't do it by herself yet. i don't remember Skye being so frustrated, but Claire is the second child and she does see Skye zipping about the house. i'm sure she would like to zip around too.

Happy Easter!

happy easter everyone! i'd like to wish our friends Martin and Mary who have probably landed in europe already this morning--bon voyage!

we started off the morning with an egg hunt for Skye who was so excited she couldn't even finish her breakfast properly. we pulled on our coats and boots and ran out to find the eggs in the backyard. and then, horror of horrors! one of the eggs was already open and the surprise inside gobbled up by a nasty squirrel! the easter morning thief didn't even have the decency to dispose of the candy wrapper, but left it splattered on a tree trunk... ah, well, i guess even a squirrel should be allowed to celebrate easter. to prevent this turning into some traumatic event for Skye, we told her the squirrel must have been really hungry after such a cold winter.

well, the egg hunt thing has been an ongoing debate between Phil and me. i think Phil is warming up to it slowly (he was afterall the easter bunny hiding the eggs in the backyard). but the question always is, what do eggs and bunnies have to do with Jesus' resurrection? and i keep coming back to, what's so wrong about celebrating spring along with Christ's gift of eternal life? we'll see...hopefully Skye and Claire won't grow up with Jesus and the easter bunny all mixed up in their heads!

Stroller shopping

i have debated over whether to purchase a double stroller or not, getting myself bent out of shape over it. i had no idea how much there actually is to choose from! it's a major purchase, like buying a car! i have spent many agonizing hours analyzing my lifestyle, trying to decide which stroller/jogger will best suit my needs--talk about pathetic! but do try a google search on double strollers and you will understand. the range is as wide as you want it to be--baby joggers with wheels that come off, that fold easily, with dual canopies or single canopy, with wheels either 12 inch or 16 inch, with reclining seats or without...the choices are endless. and are you a jogger or a walker? what sort of terrain will you be using this on? what's important--versatility, compact storage, wheel suspension, etc, etc?

i was fortunate to not have to buy one with Skye. someone gave us their old jogger and we were really happy with that. double carriers seem a little bit harder to come by. and plus, they are gigantic!! i cringe at the thought of pushing such a huge vehicle down the sidewalk. i'm imagining people jumping out of the way just to let little me and my two babies pass...

no, i'm afraid i haven't decided yet...