yesterday, we entered a new territory with Skye. she had had a playdate at her friend's house and when i went to get her, she looked like she had a great time. but when we got home, she tells me, "my friend said she didn't like me." i tried to get what exactly happened out of her, but of course it's very difficult to interpret a 4 year old's version of events. but what got me was Skye saying, "i was worried about my friend." this is a friend Skye considers one of her closest friends and so it must have affected her enough to mention it to me and to Phil later on in the day.
i talked to her friend's mother today and got the full story. apparently, Skye's friend wanted to move on to another activity while Skye did not. and so her friend said she didn't like Skye, her reaction to Skye's lack of compliance. the girls are fine today and are best friends, but we mothers had to really work hard at resolving this! i realize this is just the beginning. i have years and years ahead of me helping Skye work through issues with peers. and how do you teach a four year old about the give and take of friendship? any ideas anyone? even adults still have to learn that lesson. i did explain to Skye that the next time one of her friends wants her to do something and she's not ready to move on, then instead of just saying no, she should try explaining to her friend that either she's not ready to move on, or she doesn't want to move on because...etc. i'm glad Skye is strong minded enough to not have to do everything her friends want her to do, she has her own ideas in mind, but at the same time, when you play with friends, you can't always just go your own way. then you're not really playing together.
i think this incident was a lesson to both girls, and to both mums! we have lots to learn ahead of us.
2 comments:
It's amazing how much it can affect us as parents when it seems our children are having trouble getting along with a friend. Even when it only happens once and it's so minor! I figure the best way I can help is by being a good role model, and also just having a really close relationship with them myself. And then when they have little conflicts with friends, I guess it's educational!
yes, i do think it affects us adults more. you think all that stuff ends after high school and you're so relieved, but then it's much worse going through it with your children!
but, Skye and her friend seem to have grown closer through what happened last week. we had to work through the rough spots, but the girls are doing so much better for it. at least, until the next time! :)
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